She’s been having a hard time of late. She started a new job, as the assistant manager of a retail woman’s clothing store.

The staff she has varies in age from 18 to 55, with my wife at 42 it’s been a challenge for her to understand the other woman’s moods. Some are quiet, some bordering on defiance of her.

And she’s new at the job, trying to not make any enemies. But as a result she’s being pushed around, surprisingly enough by the younger staff members.

I’m sure that you’re familiar with the 20-somethings that like to push around their attitude and their ‘worldliness’.

My wife has been coming home, almost in tears and sometimes quite angry at how she’s been treated. And her boss, the manager, says she’ll back her up but doesn’t want to ‘create waves’ with the other girls so she let’s my wife stand up for herself.

We’ve had many talks about what she’s doing and how she’s being treated. I know the best i can do is let her talk and not try to fix the problems for her. She needs to vent.

But it became too much yesterday and I explained to her that I’m here for her, and I will listen without being judgmental, but now it is my time to speak out.

It was my patience of listening to her for the past few weeks, and knowing enough that she needed to be heard more than helped that guided me, but tonight I had to give my thoughts about her predicament and how to handle the women at work.

I didn’t tell her to stand up for herself, to stop worrying so much about what the other women thought (or what she through they thought about her), I explained that if I were her I would approach these issues head on.

And we talked for over an hour about her job, the expectation she has about her own performance and how she felt about the other women and their behavior.

I didn’t lecture, I didn’t get angry or and I did not get impatient or tired about the subject of the conversation.

It was the listening that I did over the past month that gave me insight into her particular problems and worries. Insights that I never would have had if all I did was try to “fix” her problems as soon as they were out of her mouth (guys, listening is the best tool we have to understanding our wives!).

Too often we men will try to fix the problems before trying to just listen.

I listened and I took a large burden from my wife’s shoulders. And she will go into work tomorrow better prepared for what will happen.

That you, Rori, for giving me the tool of listening as the larger part of communication with my wife.

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Now, I’m older than she is, she’s still in university, so I have the benefit of some experience that I offer to her regularly.

What concerns her most is not having a boyfriend.

She’s busy with school and with a part-time job, but she feels incomplete without a boyfriend to share her experiences with.

It’s hard to tell someone that their life is going as it should when they think it isn’t.

It’s also hard to help her to “be ready” to meet a great guy when she feels so overwhelmed by the whole dating thing and why she’s had no luck meeting guys that want to do something other than just hooking up with her.

I feel her pain. I truly do.

The one thing that you have to remember, is that being single is not a curse, it’s a time of great importance.

Being single allows you to experience life through only your own eyes, without the influence and demands of another person.

As Christian Carter says in “Catch Him & Keep Him” you have to be capable of taking the responsibility of what happens around you.

When my friend can turn around her emotions about her current predicament (being single) and live to enjoy this time of her life her personality will begin to be much more positive. And being a positive person makes you very attractive.

I asked her how she met her previous boyfriends (just two guys) and she told me about meeting them through friends, they went to the same high school, etc.

I asked her how her outlook on life has changed from her high school days and she told me that she is finding more direction in her life. She knows what she wants to have as a career, she’s not “lost” like she was after her last breakup.

She is making the first steps to pursuing her dreams; she is mapping out her future; she is beginning to be very happy with her life.

When I point this out to her she becomes reflective. As she looks back over the last two years she understands that she has been chasing two different dreams, having a career and having a boyfriend.

“You can only have one master” I tell her. Once she saw that she wanted to complete school and move forward with her life she became much more happy with her current single status.

She found a realistic outlook on her life that she could live with.

She became positive in her goals and, even as a part-time sales clerk, her improvement of having this realistic and positive outlook on her life brought her to a point where her sales picked up, she made more money.

Her school tasks took first place in her life and she enjoyed her time with friends and co-workers more.

And she started to attract a few nice guys to her, I say “Like moths to a flame”, because of her change in accepting responsibility for the “place” she was in and by changing her understanding of how she looked at her life and it’s challenges, allowed her to open up and be more accepting of how her life was turning out.

She’s happily dating, finishing the final term of this year’s courses and remaining positive.

She tells me that she has a couple of really nice guys showing an interest in her, and that she’s happy to not have the pressure of an intense relationship at this point in her life.

I know she’s accepting her life and that her newfound positiveness will bring great guys her way.

This is already manifesting itself in her life.

If you see yourself in this type of situation, you too can change your life around by beginning the steps to understanding yourself and men, how your life is revealing itself and how you can take the power of change into your own hands.

I urge you to read Christian Carter’s ebook “Catch Him & Keep Him” and find the starting path to a better relationship with yourself and others.

You owe yourself a great life, take these first steps and don’t turn back.

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Why romance is missing in your relationship is because you’ve let it go to sleep and have lost the method to wake it up again.

Romance takes two. A romantic moment can happen at any time and you’re likely missing these small moments because they either are simply missed, or not acted upon and not recognized any more.

If your complaint is that your husband is boring, your marriage is boring, I have to ask you: when did you first notice that the excitement of your relationship started to disappear?

Was there a time that you noticed that routine had taken over your lives?
When was it that you and your husband started to “drift apart”, captured by hobbies and events that you both do separately?

Some relationship experts say that doing some things apart is good for the growth of your relationship. And it is.

But only if there remains time for the two of you to share during the week that is out of this routine that you find yourself in.

So you need to be the driving force behind recreating romance and adding more togetherness in your relationship.
Trust me, complaining that there is no romance in your relationship to your spouse only drives him farther away!

This brings us to the steps you can start with to bring romance, and closeness, back into your relationship.

Step one
Become more aware of the times you are together, through your daily routine there are many opportunities to show your love to your husband without breaking his routine which would end up backfiring on you and pushing him away.
Examples:
In his lunch, jacket pocket, place short notes “I’m thinking of you”, “Can’t wait until you’re home tonight”, etc.
Text him a short note about what dinner will be, when you’ll see him, anything to connect without placing expectations on him. Remember, step one is about reminding him, waking him up to romance again.

Step two
Start planning time in your evening that you can just be together. This has to be a time before bedtime. And this can be a period as short as even ten minutes spent together, on the couch, in the kitchen, just being together and reading is fine. This becomes a relationship period that you share, a way to “de-stress” together. This will not happen over night and needs to be worked on. Even if you have to start this period yourself, and simply invite your spouse to join you, do it.
Keep this time at the same time every night. Try not to let other events make this time random throughout your day, week and month.

Step three
Creating your date night again. You remember date night, don’t you? This was when it was just the two of you, maybe a simple dinner and a movie on the couch at home or a night out together with someone else doing the cooking and taking the time to enjoy each other and the place you are in.

The quality of your romantic moments together is what really matters. Life get’s boring and stressful but it’s only you that has the power to change how you accept things.

Starting a “discussion” that leads to an argument and a series of complaints that the romance is gone is not the way to wake up the romance in your marriage.

You have the power to choose to make small changes in how you approach romance and your husband will follow, even if this takes a week or a month of making this time available for the both of you to be together.

Invitations offered to him to share this time together will help to “re-teach” him the romance you once shared and then to rediscover feelings of love that have been cluttered over with the regular junk of life.

It is only by sharing together some quality time will romance again become a part of your special routine.

Extra bonuses for you

Here are more ideas of how to prepare your husband into finding his romantic side again.

Buy him a shirt that he can wear when you do go out together (many men like to be dressed by their better half for special occasions)
Send him a text message that invites him to some “special time” with you.
Buy a revealing piece of lingerie to model for him.
Invite him to go on a walk with you to have time together, holding hands and enjoying the neighborhood.
Cook a favorite meal, add flowers and candles. Even if it’s just frozen pizza!
When you pass him something, maybe even a magazine or the tv remote, pass with your hand and not just your fingertips and make contact with his hand and hold it, just for a split second. Generate contact within the small instances of touches during your day.

Remember: above all it is you that has the power of changing the dynamics of your relationship.
It is you that has the power to choose to do or not do.
Wake up romance and end the boredom that has crept into your relationship.

Article by Robert Lee, contributor to The Modern Siren Blog
Awake the Siren within you and recapture romance. Discover powerful new tools that will keep your husband attracted to you forever.

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Does that make sense?

You’ve certainly seen how men behave when confronted with a problem.

They hunker down and logically go through the process of finding the solution step by step. They invite friends to help with this breakdown process until the ‘thing’ is fixed and congratulations can be offered all around.

But when an emotional issue arises they don’t have the tools to deal with it. And neither do the men that could help with other physical and mechanical problems.

Yet, a man emotionally connects to you, physically reacts to you, and still doesn’t understand the process of how he discovers attraction and love.

His woman leads him through this process of endearment and commitment. When his woman can communicate how to express the love he feels that connection grow and become stronger with every effort she makes.

A man needs to be lead down the road of love to discover his romantic side, to create in him the emotional frontier that he has yet to explore.

Force and compulsion do not work to bring a man to reveal his romantic side. You cannot, by force, have a man reveal his deeply romantic feelings for you.

Leading a man to reveal his love for you is a matter of understanding that a man feels love he does not have ownership over it.

A man’s love is a shared experience or it does not exist at all.

We are going well beyond the physical, sexual attraction that may have been the flame that started the fiery passion you have shared into the less understood area of what compels a man to proclaim his love for you.

And for you to identify that the man you have attraction for is the man that will remain with you always, yours in a committed relationship that will survive the certain rocky issues that will arise.

Will you, not your man, have the strength and skills to navigate the rough patches and remain the model of love that he has known and may have seem to have put aside for other endeavours?

Just as men do not share their emotions with other men (rarely), they will share their emotions with the woman that has led him to the safe places where his emotions can be revealed, expressed and accepted only when it is emotionally safe to do so.

If there was one ideal of love that we could all aspire to love would truly not exist. Love would become a “place” that all could equally find.

Love is not a pilgrimage, a once in a life time event.

Love is travelling on the long relationship road with an understanding, caring and patient partner.

You are that partner. You want to be that person.

You can choose to have love redeem your efforts and reward you with the caring man you want to have again in your life. Reclaim romance.

Your romantic man is there; he has just lost his way.

Through life’s changes you have become separated and the both of you are straying from the intense love you had at the beginning.

But this love is not lost.

This passion has not been completely extinguished; it has merely been covered over with the layers of adult and family responsibilities, work complexities and routine hum-drum activities.

Break the routine cycle and reclaim love. You know where your love is, on what part of the road love lies.

It is your responsibility to bring your man closer to you again.

Help him find his emotional desire. For you.

Start your efforts to get the romance back by understanding when this separation on the road of love started to happen. Was it a change in jobs? A new baby? Outside forces that demand too much attention?

I CARE

Identify

Claim

Attract

Renewal

Excitement

Five steps that will bring you closer than ever before in your current relationship or a new relationship in the future.

Identify: Take the time to determine when your relationship romance went from hot to warm, and now cool, if simmering at all. When you can identify these changes in your life together you can find the way to deal with them and accept the changes as a part of a maturing relationship.

Claim: Claim ownership of your emotional life, of love and all the efforts that will have to be made to reignite your passion together. You have the power to restart the burning hot flame of passion that you previously shared. Love to takes two to share but only one flame to reignite the fire.

Attract: Start with the small steps that will bring your separate roads together again. Love and affection that is shared is the attraction that binds two people together. No grand gestures required, small doses of deep thoughts, small touches of caring. These bring attraction to the top of your togetherness.

Renewal: As you rediscover love together there is renewal in your relationship. New life in your love. Accept the things you can change and you will find your relationship renewing itself into a new cooperative togetherness that can only be shared my maturing love.

Excitement: Take the joy you have together into new areas of excitement and energy to be shared. Create excitement in small doses and large moves that inspire the inner emotional spirit to reclaim the feeling of love you share.

I CARE

And so you will follow this as a new ritual, a new boundary of what you can do and what you can create to inspire love to bloom in your relationship. Fidelity and trust is the cooperative emotional balance that you will hold as the bar to strive for.

This is your opening introduction to the power you have; to the power you have to choose the romance you will have in your life.

I am excited for you. This begins a new opportunity of love and passion for you to share with the man in your life.

This is truly the first step to many revelations of your relationship. I am very excited for you.

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Friends

We’ve been “A Poser”.

And, more than likely, you’ve either been caught out, or you’ve given up, because ‘posing’ to be someone or something that you aren’t just didn’t work out.

Surprise! Cheating yourself on life doesn’t work. You either believe, or you don’t believe but you cannot pretend.
You have been, or you will be, found out.

Never mind that guys really aren’t that fast on the uptake. I’ve been fooled before and when the realization comes it’s usually too late for anything but the relationship to end.

You cannot change the sun rising in the east, why would you think that by attempting to be what you think a guy wants will make him want you any more?
Why?

Why can’t you just be yourself?
Because you don’t know who you are in the world you live in, that’s why!

What is your role? Where is your place? What do you do?

You have these unanswered questions because no one has told you what your options are.

Yes, you’ve been told you have options, and guy’s have been told to respect a woman’s choices, but that’s where the lesson ended.
No more info for you… So sad… You’re now on your own to figure things out.

Ask yourself this:
Are you a reflection of what your friends want to see in you or are you the driving force of what your friends see in themselves?

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All that being said I will add my own ideas into the mix – men don’t show their romantic emotions because:
- they are afraid to open up
- their intense fear of rejection even causes insecurities when rejection is no longer an issue
- men don’t understand their emotional nature

The last reason is the strongest opinion I have: “men don’t understand their emotional nature”.

If you want to guide your man into understanding how he can be romantic, how he can explore his intimate feelings without resorting to charades and games, it’ll take some patience on your part.

Start romance slowly. I suggest having a pre-planned romantic night on a regular time, like the fourth Thursday of every month, or something similar. Don’t force him to live up to your romantic expectations right away, after all, many men think handing you a bunch of flowers is romance, so you have a lot of work to do.

Start simply with a nice candlelit dinner, home or out.
Eventually include romantic movies at home, snuggling up under a blanket.
You’ll want to introduce exotic massage eventually… some fun, intimate times you can share.

Those things go beyond the scope of this article but you do know where you can find out more… right here.

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After all, as current wisdom goes, a guy’s body language will betray his hidden motives on a date, right? Well, not necessarily.

And I want to tell you that most of what you might learn about a guy’s body language is full of crap.

That’s right: body language training is bull-crap, bogus and often just totally wrong, 180 degrees off the mark.

The only effective body language that you can count on being more or less correct, depending on your own ability to interpret his body language, is what happens above his neck.

And that’s the truth for 90% of all women.
Included in the other 10% are professionally trained pschologists and the women that just don’t understand the cues that a guy’s body language can tell us.

Above the neck to the top of his head we have:
- lips – smiles ,frowns, grimaces, laughter, sadness, embarassment and more from the smile area
- eyes – smiling, frowning, consternation, doubt, curiosity and more from the eye area
- ears – redness, piqued interest, unhearing, disinterest and more from the ears and related interactions with hearing

Oh, you get it now, suddenly his head is of much more interest, isn’t it?

I’m only going to talk about one body part for this study of body langauge – his eyes.

His eyes are the windows into the soul, a great poet/philosopher said once. And I must agree… the eyes are full of intention and action. They seek for approval and green lights.

A guy’s eyes will betray his ulterior motives, his insincerity as well as his honesty and honorable intentions.

When a guy looks at you, is he carefully and completely checking you over and should his eyes stray, and linger, on your chest or midriff then he tells a tale of sexual conquest, or at the very least how you will match up on his trophy shelf.

But a man that can look you in the eyes, and hold your gaze as his eyes smile at you – he is a fine man indeed. Only a guy comfortable and honest with himself unless he’s trying to be a seductive player) will willingly hold your gaze and allow you unsheilded access to his inner emotions.

You can rate the guy’s eye language by watching him and scoring him one point for each time he looks clearly into your eyes and deducting one point for each time his gazes goes south or is caught by another woman in the room.

When the date comes to a close, if he’s worth another date (unless he totally tries to use a last grab on you and get some – a player) he’s in the positive point range.
And if he’s in the negative range, well, let him try but don’t expect much… guy’s like that even make poor choices for FWB partners.

It’s all in his eyes. Honest.

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Is it the ticking clock or is it the tiredness from being alone? Whatever it is, the time for change is now.
A change of goals, a change for the people that are in your life, for someone special to become a part of your life.

Imagine your life as a boat at sea. The waves of life’s troubles come at you from all sides. You bob up and down, roll side to side, because of forces beyond your control.

You try to please so many people in your life that your own life has become second best.

If you see even a little about yourself in the above then it really is time for a change.

And change is here, now.

Start with a list of the people in your life and rank them in importance to you, one to five, with five being the most important to you.
Then total the numbers up and divide them by the number of people on your list. If you have an average higher than 3.5 you have a lot of people in your life that you care about and should understand what you need. If the average is less that 2.5 then you need to start making choices about what you will accept as demands on your life that are reasonable and what are twisting up you inside.

The life you have is the only one worth living and you need to create a relationship with yourself, and the people in your life, that is rewarding, not demanding.

Stop being one wave away from capsizing.

There is help. That’s what “Inside the Mind of a Man” is all about:

Providing you the tools to restart your life. How to find good people, positive people, to put into your life.

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Some men sail, some men travel, some men become a lump on the couch.

This is called “down time” unless it becomes a replacement for work, then it’s called “laziness”.

I can only talk generally because I do not know the type of man you are with, have been with or are looking for.

But men don’t make a lot of connections for their private life and, considering his lack of “close friends”, he ruminates over the day, the week, or nothing at all, by himself to help him relax.

He makes his way in the world in this way. And he relies on the woman in his life to recognize this, even if he can’t mouth the words.

Your man may lack wisdom, he may be smart but is not able to apply that knowledge he has to the cause at hand.

He feels the need for freedom, to change direction, to move onto a different path, and he needs guidance without being guided.

His “kingdom” revolves around him but on a level he understands that he is not in control of this kingdom. He needs help with this.

If you see your man in these descriptions, or have broken up with a man that you identified above, isn’t it time to understand more about what a guy thinks?

YOU can do this NOW… click here and enter your name and email address for access to “Inside the Mind of a Man”.

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To Have and To Hold…

Of course, it’s one of the promises made during a marriage ceremony, but the reality is that this promise is made after a few dates, that you have begiun the commitment phase of your relationship.

It’s expected that the guy will be there, at your side, at times of crisis, at times of upheaval.

The real question is, do you want him there?

If you’re uncertain about a guy you’re dating after five, or six dates, whether he would be there when you, unexpectedly, need him, do you continue the relationship?

I pose this question because it’s one of those “inner voices” that gets louder and louder as the relationship progresses.

And I will add that it’s OK to put the breaks on the relationship too, if you’re uncertain.

Guys, for the most part, undersatand that there is a certain amount of “proving themselves” that needs to be done, they just don’t know how to do it.

Relationships for guys are a walk in the park, until reality comes at them and they see that it’s a much bigger world than their narrow-sighted vision.

It’s not always your responsibility to open their eyes either…. only if they mean a whole lot more than the last guy you dated, anyways.

Go slow, don’t rush into the ‘commitment thing’ because he says he’s ready, wait until he proves he’s ready.

Because it’s the beginning of the promise.

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