She’s been having a hard time of late. She started a new job, as the assistant manager of a retail woman’s clothing store.

The staff she has varies in age from 18 to 55, with my wife at 42 it’s been a challenge for her to understand the other woman’s moods. Some are quiet, some bordering on defiance of her.

And she’s new at the job, trying to not make any enemies. But as a result she’s being pushed around, surprisingly enough by the younger staff members.

I’m sure that you’re familiar with the 20-somethings that like to push around their attitude and their ‘worldliness’.

My wife has been coming home, almost in tears and sometimes quite angry at how she’s been treated. And her boss, the manager, says she’ll back her up but doesn’t want to ‘create waves’ with the other girls so she let’s my wife stand up for herself.

We’ve had many talks about what she’s doing and how she’s being treated. I know the best i can do is let her talk and not try to fix the problems for her. She needs to vent.

But it became too much yesterday and I explained to her that I’m here for her, and I will listen without being judgmental, but now it is my time to speak out.

It was my patience of listening to her for the past few weeks, and knowing enough that she needed to be heard more than helped that guided me, but tonight I had to give my thoughts about her predicament and how to handle the women at work.

I didn’t tell her to stand up for herself, to stop worrying so much about what the other women thought (or what she through they thought about her), I explained that if I were her I would approach these issues head on.

And we talked for over an hour about her job, the expectation she has about her own performance and how she felt about the other women and their behavior.

I didn’t lecture, I didn’t get angry or and I did not get impatient or tired about the subject of the conversation.

It was the listening that I did over the past month that gave me insight into her particular problems and worries. Insights that I never would have had if all I did was try to “fix” her problems as soon as they were out of her mouth (guys, listening is the best tool we have to understanding our wives!).

Too often we men will try to fix the problems before trying to just listen.

I listened and I took a large burden from my wife’s shoulders. And she will go into work tomorrow better prepared for what will happen.

That you, Rori, for giving me the tool of listening as the larger part of communication with my wife.

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No matter what your relationship is with the guy, be he a co-worker, a boss, or a stranger, he wants two things from you:
- to impress you
- to avoid rejection

NO MATTER what he really thinks that he wants from you, if he can get these two things, he will be happy.

Now that you know this secret about men think about all the ways you can control the men in your life.

YOU now have an awesome power over men.
YOU are starting to be inside his mind and think what he thinks.

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To bring to the surface the type of guy you want to be able to listen to your problems and fears, you need to tell him up front “I don’t want to hear your answers I just want you to listen to…”

If the guy you’re with is ready for love, he will be able to listen to you, without fixing your problems or dismissing your fears.

This is commonly named as one of the “tests from women” that men get, but they are wrong about that.

This type of communication is mature, and shared between two loving people.

It’s needed to build a stable relationship because without this type of sharing there can be no relationship, each person is stuck in their own little world, unheard and with love and caring quickly fading away until the inevitable breakup.

Read more about “Inside the Mind of a Man” here.

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Think about the last time you had a fight with the guy in your life (at that time).

Did he “shut down” and become unapproachable? Did he become “unresponsive”?

Is this because he didn’t want to continue the talk (or argument) or is it because there was so much stress happening that he just couldn’t process what was going on?
Yes.

He couldn’t answer you because there was so much stress, at that moment, that he literally DID shut down.

Can you follow how, then, he must have felt? Was he cornered? Or was he just not listening any more.

Men are logical thinkers, there is no disagreement to that; and women are emotional thinkers, there is no argument on that either.

So, when you have a logical and an emotional attempting to “meet halfway” on a subject, or be convinced of the other person’s side (opinion, answer, complaint, etc.), who is going to falter?

The logical, of course. Emotion always wins out and unless the man “fights back” by revealing his emotional side, he will always shut down in an argument.

He will become silent, and overwhelmed, and unable to process the argument from a logical standpoint.

And the woman will wonder why he isn’t listening… why he doesn’t offer any input, or even solutions (that otherwise he always offers, asked or not).

Then later, the next day perhaps, he will attempt to “pass over” the subject and relent towards the woman’s solution, after some logical consideration, of course.

To engage a man in a discussion, make the talk (the issue basis) more logical, and he will agree with you about a common resolution to the issue, usually.

At least you’ll have a better chance of him paying attention to you.

Read more about “Inside the Mind of a Man” here.

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